The Meaning of Love
Author: Jenny T
Our resident blogger Jenny T discovers the real meaning of men-a-pause and contemplates the meaning of love as she goes through the menopause.
If, like me, your ‘men-a-pause’ means just that, plus you’ve gone through any of these: losing a pet or a human, becoming an empty nester, getting a divorce, moving house – then you will start or you have already started to review things.
Part of the reviewing things is Who Really Matters and Who You Can Rely On. These are the WRMs and the WYCROs and they tend to be the same list of people. If you don’t know for sure, play the ‘lifeboat’ game – you have a lifeboat with 6 places and you are one of the places, which 5 people would you take on your lifeboat (not including family).
As an aside – you’ve probably realised that your pension pot isn’t anywhere near the £400k it should be, and Care Home cost is about £800 per week, every week. If you need to find that for a beloved parent that’s bad enough, but what about me? Scary, keep me awake at night, thoughts. No point having purple hair and a purple walking stick and being over-the-top cantankerous if you can’t pay your bills, hey?
And if you are getting inappropriate crushes on younger men (‘the Poldark moment’, but clearly not 12-year-old-estate agents), then you’ll be thinking about sex but not actually wanting it and discovering why, when you try a frock on in M&S and see your flabby stomach. FYI M&S MIRRORS ARE THE WORST. EVER. FACT. Then you’ll be wondering why your manfriend and you are more like ‘friends’ than lovers and wherever did the desire go. Where oh where.
So, it was interesting and random to find myself reading (thanks to Ian Hislop’s wife) the definition of love as described by the Greeks. Because there are three definitions, and they don’t include romantic love….
Agapi describes the love for God, and for family. This doesn’t actually mention ‘husbands or wives’ it’s more Mum, Dad and children.
Filia is for friendship. My Filia love, these days, is more important than anything as my ‘Filias’, or my WRMs and WYCROs are what stop me going mad, and what keep me strong. I think I may even introduce a new acronym IFY replacing a heart (overused) with an F (quite appropriate, hey). WTF becomes about love not ‘what the heck are you talking about’.
And then there’s the Poldark moment. Erotas stands for sexual attraction.
So what’s missing ? The love of a lover. The long-term love of a partner or spouse. It’s not in the Greek definition. So therefore it’s not supposed to exist?
Makes sense to me in this (non) period…you?
If you are experiencing relationship issues as you go through the menopause – why not check out the articles in the Relationships section.